I had my first Covid test this week. Came down with a cough and a sore throat. I’ve been careful - masks, hand sanitising, social distancing and really not going out at all except for groceries and occasionally visiting a friend. Had to isolate completely until I had my results, ran out of cat biscuits… how privileged that that was my biggest concern. I am so lucky, so many others are struggling, so many others are not with the same privilege I enjoy. The Australian Government has increased the subsidised therapy sessions to 20 a year instead of 10. I hope this helps people struggling with their mental health throughout this pandemic. It will certainly help me. It will take a long time to recover. I doubt life will ever go back to the way it was pre-covid. Do we want it too? People seem to be reassessing what is important in their lives, moving out of cities in mass exoduses to quieter towns. Working from home, focussing on family. Thinking about what they want out of life. Some people are mad. I get it. There is great suffering. The planet has been given some reprieve but so many losses. Unbearable to consider. We need to care for each other more than ever. Do you have someone to talk too? Sharing a coffee with a friend is my mental health staple. My results were negative. I am fortunate. I hope you’re ok. Peace.
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I’m sending out resumes today. I need to put down some roots. This casual gig is fun but not sustainable. Find the balance between bringing in money and creative expression. Sometimes they merge but not often enough, Covid put a swift end to that. Cannot sacrifice one for the other as both are important. Financial security versus the lifelong urge to spend my days creating. Financial security versus my brain urging me to keep moving, standing still is hazardous. All my nerves are twitching and I long for the new. Racing thoughts, grand plans all pulled into line by therapists who work to ground me in my hypomanic moments. They have quite a job ahead of them. As do I. Never quite give up on the grand plans but know how to quieten them enough so I can function in my day to day. But always, always lurking. My resume is a confused, lengthy scattering of jobs. I rarely land. ‘Look at all that experience.’ Jack of all trades, master of none. I am good at what I do, just need to do it more. I want to earn more, I want to contribute more. I want many things. Sometimes my energy throws people off, they sense how trapped I can feel. They sense how hard I try to please. Searching for validation. Prove I am capable. I am. Sometimes the mirror is too strong for them and they walk away. That’s ok. Can’t make everyone happy. You do you. Peace. |
Writer. Bipolar Rambler. Archives
March 2024
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